the next day

well, I didn't expect that i would still be writing on this, but i am so hopefully this means that i will keep this up. Today I'm going to start outlining my first promo commercial and i hope that it sounds good. i was hoping that my co host would go ahead and make the commercial himself, but I'm getting impatient and i can't wait any longer.

my husband is asleep again as usual around this time and i wish that i could do the same. i stay awake with my thoughts and it takes things like the TV to droned it out.

today was my nephews birthday and it crazy how much he has grown! he's already six. sometimes, it reminds me of when he was born. i was only in high school, I'm thinking i was 15-16 and i was so happy that i had a nephew! i took his birth pictures to school and showed all of my friends. he was such a man looking baby; u knew he was a baby boy by just looking at him! but just so ever adorable.

sometimes when i think of those happy times, i wish i could just go back for a minute just so i can feel those same emotions again. like to really cherish it while it's happening since i already know this will only be a fleeting memory later on in time. Actually, i really would love to tell the old me something about this present to warn/prepare myself for these times that i live in. i was always looking for love and i hate that part of myself back then. i was so needy; of friend, guys tings to do...everything. i was so insecure and if i look back now in my old journals, u would see kinda a depressed lil girl. It didn't have to be that way!!!! I mean i wasn't anything normal in high school...for pete sakes, i didn't even have my first kiss until after high school and it was a pitiful one at that. sometimes i wish i would of just stayed that way: forever wondering what if feel like being loved and feeling unwanted. i really didn't know what i possed in my world for me to make it. I so underestimated my self and i was stupid to feel that way. i had no idea how my feeling then were so insignificant compared to feeling and things that i deal with today. oh well i guess what can i do other than talk about it. that's what I'm doing....i will try hard to continue to.